party started at 10. cops are coming to shut us down now and its 11. i already lostmy underwear and im wearing a sparkly thong on my haed. this has to be some kinda record.
I thought I had fell out of his trailer but he says I tried to ninja kick his TV stand saying those girls hula hooping were trying to seduce him. There wasn't anyone else there.
dude...I wrote 15 jersey shore quotes on her body. she is going to do the walk of shame with snookie on her forehead.
My passouts and memory loss are great training for when I have alzheimers. You'll know where to look when I get lost.
some girl just asked me if I was that guy that hooked up with nine girls in one night. officially a local celebrity. gonna try and autograph her boobs.
oh dear god, that would be like watching to female walruses mate. We need to stop going to that lesbian bar...
Just warning you the last time I had captain Morgan I gave a blow job to a guy that looked like Jesus.
It was like I was playing the clarinet on his penis. And I just kept saying I'm sorry.
after he went down on me he said he wanted an air freshener for his car scented like my vag. i cant even.
I dunno. We kind of want to have a hippie communing with nature type break. But because we're such alcoholics I feel like we'll just be wasted the whole time in addition to hugging trees and shit
in that moment our bushes were one. and in that moment we were pure.
My boss just lit a candle and said a prayer to get laid tonight ..
We need to leave a grand offering for the god of free booze and salvia.
Having to do the walk of shame on crutches was defiently a first for me. cheers to the governor, klove
Dude I'm pretty sure everyone in my office knows I fucked our boss...can I ask for anything better?
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