you had a panic attack, pissed yourself, and started crying. you never go above the kiddie level of my lil bros schools haunted house ever again.
round 2?
EVER.
This girl I work with, who is 18 btw, invited me to her baby shower. Do they sell abortions in gift certificate form?
I plan on offering nudes to any guy that wants to give me notes from the past five weeks of class
i just googled "alcohol delivery service". im combating drunk driving one lazy act a time.
Can you deep fry cheerios do you know? crucial question
I have to stop drunkenly making out with guys just because they're tall or have a beard.
Also you know what's worse than drunk texting? Drunk leaving soup on your hot neighbor's porch.
He played the same pre-sex songs as his brother...
So the bartender from Applebees totally looks like he would take his clothes off for $40
I like how you possess the gift that turns normal guys into strippers
we probably should not get naked in my neighbor's garage again. just sayin
If he tries to stick his thumb up my butt again im going to rip his dick off with my vagina
I told you those kegels would come in handy one day
I moved my bed to the living room so when a girl walks in she has to decide right away if shes in or out
Also I found and fixed my beer gun.
bitch i am allowed to be rude i just fought cold hard porcelain with my face
I woke up with a hangover and a man bun. Reached over to drink water and accidentally chugged raspberry vodka. So there's that.
Randomize