I changed my mind about Tim Gunn. I like him now. Mostly because he said someone's dress looks like a gay t-rex. Or something.
I got my half for the rent already.I called the cops on the drug dealer neighbor and got a 500 bucks as a reward
I don't know what you're talking about but its dick galore in the tub. We will be getting poked tonight. Bring forks.
We don't have a lot of plans besides weed and cake
I left the guinea pigs on the dryer. Make sure to take care of them.
I just had sex over my oven then high fived the guy. It's going to be a good year.
WHAT KIND OF SELF RESPECTING 28 YEAR OLD WOMAN WAKES UP IN A FRAT HOUSE?!?'
The cougar kind?
So apparently having sex with your co-worker in the bathroom at the staff party can get you fired.
I'd love you more if you were covered in hot cheetos
When your grandma invites you to a sweet girls' Valentine's dinner with your mom and sister, but you have to decline because you're trying to get two dudes to rail you at once...
How was the party
I came home with only one shoe, a t shirt tied around my shoeless foot and I was covered in motor oil. Oh and my shorts were inside out. So you tell me
just because i'm not a monk anymore doesn't mean I need to tell you about my new sex life.
which is fantastic by the way.
Do you remember feeding the vacuum doritos last night?
You know that tattoo place next to Dallas? The naked sexy frog on my neck is proof that their "won't tattoo if drunk" sign is bullshit!
Im so unlucky if I fell in a barrel of dicks, I'd come our sucking my thumb
Randomize
