I just need someone to hold me and tell me i dont turn boys gay
Welcome to my life. currently drinking beer through two straws. easier/faster that way.
Dude. I tried to convince her to eat poprocks and give me a blowjob. It did not work out well.
Sorry, not ignoring you.. We broke open the other piñata left from cinco de mayo and it was filled with condoms, mini booze bottles, and those little party horn things you blow into. You'll forgive me when we're fucking for days with all these free condoms.
He pointed at some girls and said "I'm gonna have sex with them girls over there", and disappeared.
I should put together a new mom basket for her. It would have diapers, vodka, ambien, and tissues for when she cries about her wasted youth.
You disappeared for 10 minutes. Then came back with nothing but your boxers and a life jacket on to tell us we were all screwed when the flood came and you would be the only survivor.
The entire state will know me by my boobs.
Captain America stopped by our tailgate. He ate a taco.
Definitely! I will do that this week. Right now, watching drag queens play with my dad's beard.
Just broke my no shot rule again.. Made out with a stranger. That's 0 for 3 this month for the record
We took vodka shots. You kept saying it was the key to your heart.
Last thing I remember I was riding on a picnic table being hauled around by a lawn mower with an empty case of bud light on my head...
So adding to the list of things my boobs can do, sweeping with a broom is apparently a thing.
Dude just saw some some guy puke out of a car window on the highway going to school.
Randomize
