i just thanked the atm machine for giving me cash
the last 2 times weve had drunk sex ive had to get the morning after pill.. he's turning into a real expensive fuck buddy.
They asked me to help them shop for lingerie.
Tell them everything looks awful, makes their ass look fat, etc. You'll wreck their self esteem and likely both have sex with you to make themselves feel better.
You're the most understanding sister I could ever ask for.
There needs to be waaaay more alcohol in my apartment if I am going to survive being unemployed
So that'd what fifty dollars of chicken at 7/11 looks like. Made it to work on time. Puked twice. BOOM.
You have my approval. I will dance and throw skittles at your funeral.
Just took a piss in some random bushes in a traffic jam and had to sprint back to the car. I'm a boss.
Home-made laxative recipe: activia yogurt and tequila shots. Any ratio ought to work.
You said you couldn't use your body anymore so you made me push the buttons on your phone while you made alien sound effects
I made a nest in his bed. I'm not leaving
Imma do four shots of whisky within two minutes and pass out. Otherwise this'll go badly.
I swear if you laugh while im moaning i will immediately stop and go home.
He put his number in my phone as Steve handsome
you know my pussy doesn't know between good and evil
They stopped fighting to partake in M&Ms and porn.
Randomize
