Anderson Cooper interviews Obama. It's like CNN is teasing and broadcasting my dream 3 way.
you washed your face with toilet water last night.. i tried to stop you but you wouldn't have it.
Fuck morning classes. Fuck early work. Fuck anything in the morning that doesn't involve sleeping, sex or bacon.
I just made a steamroller out of a christmas ornament. I feel so festive.
They called me at 5 AM saying they had a present for me
let's just say if he has a penis and he hypothetically needs to put it somewhere... i would take care of that for him.
I think online classes were designed around the concept of day drinking.
I'm still drunk. it's summer. I just need a hot dog and an aspirin.
New BDSM fun fact. When you get spanked hard enough with a flat object, you get welts. Welcome to thunderdome, bitches.
I fell in the river last night. The allegheny to be exact. Omg getting drunk at work gatherings is dangerous
Sweet! It'll be a "that-minor-I-used-to-serve-alcohol-to-is-no-longer-a-minor" party!!!
He asked if I was a pirate because my "arrrrrrrrse" was worth burying. 10/10 for effort, 20/10 for serial killer vibes.
A guy at my table is reading a magazine called "Cheese Connoisseur"
dude if looks could fuck you two would've been naked in front of everybody
it was like where's waldo, only the stakes were much higher.
Randomize
