Your tits are I can't wait for
So after i got done, she went over and got out her gecko, I felt like I was in an X rated geiko commercial.
I don't have any food so I made a martini so I could eat the olives. Don't tell me I can't think outside the box.
all i remember is being at the diner with her at 3am and her storming into the kitchen to make sure the chef gave me regular fries instead of home fries.
I mean, I'm not looking for prince charming. I'm looking for the glass slipper of dicks.
Apparently 'check out this motherfucker' is not an appropriate greeting to use in the vicinity of sitting united states senators. Who knew
It feels kinda weird thanking you for sucking my dick, but I just don't know what else to do right now
I'm moving out of my place and I just gave my mom a couch that I had sex on last night. Reduce, reuse, recycle at its best.
Am I supposed to confront my 52-year-old boss/mother of 3 about the fact that we matched on Tinder?
what do you mean i can't make cookies with a blow dryer? challenge accepted.
I got home and found him passed out in my tank top so i think i'll put lipstick on him and mass text a picture to everyone in his phone. that's what he gets for eating all my wheat thins
Do you remember telling those ppl that they need to mate and give you the baby and in 15 years you will all reunite and it will be a party?
i solemnly vow to never stick my penis into crazy again
I give it a week.
Side piece definitely knows about my GF. Said it was sexy when I go commando, then left me pantsless in the club bathroom
I just found my phone after looking for it since yesterday afternoon it was in the fridge.
Randomize
