HELP! I am trapped in a douchebag ad... full of Affliction and Ed Hardy. Seriously? is he gonna leave his sunglasses on the entire 10 seconds of this encounter?
They had to restock the bar 3 times before midnight. There is a bridesmaid dress hanging in a tree outside.
you should break up with her....give her the gift of reality
There's an official council for his ex boyfriends. They told me they 'look forward to the day I join them'.
My body is being held together with whiskey, nicotine, duct tape and a little bit of hope...
On an unrelated note, i found out who duct taped shoelaces to my face
Guess who just screamed "Everything happens for a reason!!" in the abortion clinic. This girl.
How are you going to come here and fuck on our couch ? That's everyones couch
I went eBay shopping last night. Turns out I brought a Viking drinking horn. I can't even be mad.
My new successful method of booty calling is sending a screencap of a map with the shortest route from their location to mine highlighted.
I think John will remember that birthday for a while. I'm still dying at the fact a stripper was hunting me down.
Phone keeps correcting good morning to "food moaning" and I like the way it thinks.
How do you explain to your mom that you let your friend stab you in the leg while drunk and high on coke?
It was like a baby arm holding another baby arm holding an apple grove. Fuckin huge!
I'm going to tell you something and I want no judgement because it's america day and I'm wearing an American flag bathing suit but...I woke up in a yard.
Randomize
