Moving to Utah. Got sick of alcohol and have a severe wife shortage.
I have show me your genitals stuck in my head. Except in spanish. Muestrame tus genitals. Tus genitals.
You know, it's scary to think that someday I might buy a pregnancy test with pride, not at 2am...
Pray the makeout fairy visits me this weekend.
In hindsight, buying 4 different kinds of vibrators at once may have been a little overenthusiastic of me.
I have bruises on my ass from her spurs. God bless Texas.
Dude, I checked into a cathedral... I thought it was a joke, until I found a candle and a whole bunch of coins in my purse
I just peed behind the dumpster and dedicated it to you. Can i call u?
The bachelorette started when I opened the door and they threw a few dozen dildos at me.
How do I feel about a girl who has a g string tattooed on
Just found dollar bills in my sheets. What part of the weekend am I forgetting?
I'm glad our friendship can withstand laughing mid-blowjob during the diarrhea scene in Dumb & Dumber.
I woke up this morning cradling my vibrator like it was a baby
sitting in the prison waiting room in my boyfriends clothes. looooong story.
i don't want him to see me in a bathing suit.
hasn't he seen you naked?
well yeah, but it's different in a bathing suit.
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