perhaps when you are drinking red wine from a tall glass with a straw it is time to call it a night.
To drunk to make oatmeal. I'm pouring it into my mouth and gargling it with beer. Ive made maple brown sugar bud light
Fantastic. I'm pretty cold, tired, dirty, and hungry, but that comes with an adventurous weekend. Who needs a wallet or keys anyway? I could totally be homeless.
Bro I am trying to have one night stands nothing more, unless she is baking waffles I can eat out of her butthole I am not interested
I seriously think my heart may fail. And I didn't even grab a toilet beer :(
I asked you if you needed a ride and you kept saying "no, my name is katelyn"
I am almost positive I asked to milk her when I was saying my goodbyes.
Fuck you for setting me up with the guy from the Nickelback cover band
Payback for not stopping me from fucking the guy in the wookie costume
So the contents found in my winter coats this year: coat 1, condom and 10$. Coat 2, condom and 75$ check. Coat 3, 2.05$ and a sunflower seed.
Obviously coat 3 had the best time since you used the condom and all of the money
I just got head while watching air force one. Harrison ford would be proud.
I ate the most amazing corn dog today.
I will probably dream about it.
I'd go lesbian for $50 and a good phone case.
what are you going as for halloween?
drunk, naked, & emotionally unstable
I'm currently on a bowling date with my girlfriend and her boyfriend. It's pretty fun.
i'm gonna crowd surf you onto his dick
Randomize
