just jacked off in the bed i was conceived in.
I feel like I should put "don't judge me" in the special instructions for the pizza guy.
I made weed fried chicken. What have you done today?
He wanted to put Kesha on after he came in my mouth. I had to draw some sort of trashy, gay line.
I couldn't be mad. She was crying because she fell bare ass into the rose bush trying to pee. So I held her up mid-stream and she peed on my feet. No big
did she really put a helmet on, try to make a hole in the wall then pass out on the floor ten minutes later? if thats true ill be there in 15
She keeps sending, "show me your elephant trunk."
I definitely did a line of something I don't know with a Pagan biker. I make good decisions.
I don't always steal things but when i do it is a six foot five dos equis guy
First memory of my senior year: Going into registration still drunk from last night.
at crossfit today a guy shit his pants while deadlifting 405 lbs. coach made fun of him then congratulated him on his new personal record.
It just makes me feel nauseous. And I don't want to feel nauseous when all I really want is to get off.
I wonder what dick looks like without astigmatism?
I just got back like 5 minutes ago, I have two champagne bottles that I carried with me on the train home and a Dunkin donuts coffee cup full of stolen butter, I've been in a windowless room for the last 6 hours, time does not exist
what is your life
Free champagne that's what
Then it hit me - his penis wasn't a shiny new toy anymore and I wanted a new one.
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