You found a girl to hook up with at a gay bar?
No. His name was Paco. I didn't get it by choice. I never had a hickey before.
I just hope this isn't happening Final Destination style
Travis Barker would totally be Devon Sawa in this scenario
how drunk was i? i pretended i was getting a blowjob from a fuckin dolphin in front of my dad. thats how drunk i was.
can we meet up so i can piece together the end of my night? for instance, did i jump or fall into a plant?
The bank teller laughed at me....I'm apparently that fucking hungover looking
All I wanted was my $85. Judgement free. But nooooo
Btw. Made out with a random kid at a frat. It's all good though. He invited us to his frat party tomorrow so yay! For having plans!
He wasn't lying when he said he was immune to pepperspray. He pretended it burned for like 12 seconds and told the cops he was kidding he was alright. We'll be there soon.
You told me to remind you that the bruise on your ass is from when you danced on the table at Ziggy's, saw a cop and tried to 'fly away'.
Who knew there were so many rules and judgements about laying on a kitchen floor. I'm all like I'm resting. It just happens to be on a kitchen floor.
A part of me realizes this is a bad time to text. But I override it with my awesomeness
"We drove to the deserted part of the parking lot, and that's where we blew each other. It was so romantic."
I know he works a lot but c'mon man. I 69'd you the first week we boned. Put a little effort in. Fuck.
he just fucked me for my cheese.
I just woke up hand cuffed to the bar and shirtless, so yeah I think I need you to come get me.
Ooooh no. Jesus take the wheel, or Moses. SOMEBODY TAKE THE WHEEL
Randomize
