I think i ate a live goldfish last night. that i caught with my hand in a kiddie pool. my stomach really hurts.
is wine microwaveable?
I am pretty sure I told him the clouds were earth's purest filtration system and that snow was the rarest and most delicious water in the world. My lips are burning because we ate so much.
I could feel myself puking on my feet but it was so warm i didnt even care.
Well regardless of which drugs we choose to do tonight until four in the morning, we are having a wii bowling championship. So choose carefully.
im pretty sure your bra is in my room hanging on my shark pinata
Thats not how it works. You get the Rachel, and then Rachel kicks you out. Don't linger or try to cuddle, its just pathetic and makes me look down on you and your penis
Do you know how I hurt my ankle or my shoulder? Or the origin of any of the following mystery bruises: left quad, left wrist, right elbow. Thanks for playing.
Within the hour, he sent me 8 texts and 4 voice memos. One of the memos was just him whistling for 3 minutes. ...It's official, I attract the crazies.
We went the strip club and out of no where the waitress brings him over a quesadilla and a jäger bomb and says your usual!! He swore he had never been there before
I can't wash the smell of tacos off my hands. I feel like the Lady Macbeth of Chipotle.
Would it be crossing a line if I told him that I now know his girlfriend has a huge mole on her left ass cheek?
He told me to take off work and bring a bathing suit. If this doesn't involve six flags hurricane harbor or sex in a hotel pool I'm going to be disappointed.
bitch i am allowed to be rude i just fought cold hard porcelain with my face
Verdict: uncircumcised.
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