Even my Mr Clean Magic Eraser can't make last night disappear.
I bet a guy could be masturbating under the table now and people would just think he was clapping along.
I hid my booze in my old Sesame Street lunch box. Big Bird might be disappointed, but I feel Oscar the Grouch would approve.
As if me making pizza in a skillet wasn't enough proof that I was in no state to be cooking, this burn blister on my hand is
The only funny part about this situation was this morning when they rounded up all the drunks in the ER, piled us into a minivan, then dropped us all off at our houses.
I got shot at today. If that doesn't get me at least a blow job I give up working on the south side
She suggested that I come visit her in Europe and hook up with the heteroflexible Korean who sits next to her in class. Polylove is the best love.
Well its kinda hard to gift wrap an orgasm
Dick in a box?
it's a drink the shower water kind of morning ...
I was stumbling so much, men walking behind us were shouting "don't hit the pole! don't hit the pole!" whenever I was near a telephone pole.
i formally give you permission to eat me when i pass out
New rule. If he's too busy to put the "H" in "what" then I'm too busy to put his D in me.
I'm on someone's yacht. I don't know who. But I'm on it. There's a guy passed out in a kilt holding bagpipes. Help.
I pelvic thrusted so hard while he was eating me out that his nose started bleeding. I think it's broken. Trophy scars, right?
Two words: nipple clamps
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