The funny thing about my wife cheating on me is that the guy probably has genital warts now. Sweet.
I'm pretty sure I left my reasoning skills at home last night, and just brought anger and rage with me.
you turned on the Care Bears movie at 5am and kept screaming "I CARE"
whoever created level 16 on brickbreaker is a dick
woke up with a used condom shoved in my ear. i officially hate alcohol.
What's the point of being healthy if people still don't want to fuck you?
Okay the common myth about putting tampons in you nostrils for a nose bleed is busted. It just starts coming out through your throat.
They get 5 minutes to wear their speedos at the wedding
Oh my god I'll have to be really drunk for that
So we get back to the hotel room and Tom strips off his clothes... His first sexual act as my fiance? Helicopter dick. I gave him a high five.
List 10 things your GF won't do for you, and we can work through that list.
all we have is white fucking wine this is a travesty it's christmas not a fucking funeral
I FOUND THE LEGS
And for the record I didn't even have sex last night. I threw up in his toilet and slept in his bed until noon
we're at the bar celebrating my ex bootycall getting his new gf pregnant... and me narrowly escaping a future as kitty foreman
I woke up using a beer can as a pillow. successful party?
Randomize
