I'm so bored, I can only pretend that this truck is a spaceship for so long.
Your noise violation report contains the word "five-some"...wtf happened in here?
I feel compelled to tell you that I woke up this morning and found an entire corn on the cob in my purse. Ive decided not to question my drunken behavior anymore, and to just accept it as my lifestyle.
Have you ever straight up just taken a bite out of a block of cheese? Because it's amazing.
If Amber from Teen Mom can get a new boyfriend, so can I.
it was a 10 min screaming orgasm. i don't care that you were next door and didn't appreciate all the noise.
btw, do you remember scaling that porch last night?
She was telling me which girls she thought I should fuck or not at the bar. Why can't all one night stands be that cool after?
Note to self: Don't go home with a recent divorcee. Semen and tears.
Hello Officers/Paramedics, judging by last night, my friend is dead. The money in his pockets is mine, he owed me. Please send me directions to whichever morgue/strip club for pick up.
I cNt phones. tingles in my fingles. jingles
Buying her a drink is like giving a seagull a French fry, all you're gonna do is get annoyed and shit on
Is it against health code to come into work half drunk and commando?
I did wake up to a random meat and cheese plate next to my bed, that was a thrill.
I honestly think sometimes all you need is a $2 alcoholic punch poured from a jug into a big glass to feel better. I guess abblebees is my new problematic fav
Randomize
