i kinda do this "flirt with girls and pretend to be a hot white guy named chris" thing
I think east. Tornado watch. What the fuck are you doing in Texarkana?
Bonnaroo. Tornado watch? Expand on that thought.
Watch for tornadoes.
Apparently last night I sat at the bar with an upside down sharpie lightning bolt on my forehead, yelling "It's Harry Potter's birthday! Let me be on the qudditch team!" And I kept calling the bartender Dobby. There are videos.
Tell your boobs to stop staring at me.
strike ten. I need to stop drinkng
You need to come get me. I'm pretty sure that gravity's going to crush my brain
i dont mean to point any fingers but there is a lot of urine in the kitchen
He's currently rapping every word to 'more money more problems' at what could be a over 30s gay bar. I'm not sure yet. More info to come.
i'm going through an 80s music phase. and by phase i mean i will only have sex to white snake
I wonder what it's like for my roommate to live bicuriously thro my sex life
I just don't fit in here. The other wives are ten years older and have kids!
Well, you chose trophy wife of a 35 year old over college. Sit in your suburban soup and stew.
okay - we take $20 and buy each other some 'drink till we puke' clothes from the thrift store.
The Universe is CLEARLY playing a bad joke on your sex life
I warned you. Don't come crying to me when your vagina refuses to forgive you for this.
I think I'm destined to be the stoner version of one of those successful but emotionally unavailable characters Sandra Bullock always plays in movies
Randomize
