my professor just told me i smelt like a brewery infront of my whole class b4 my final presentation
You think the Elephant Man ever tried to pick up chicks claiming all his appendages were elephant-sized?
im sober playing flip cup. its like cheating.
Just found out I slapped a vegan in the face with meat last night.
I want to apologize in advance in the event I put my boobs in your face
this must be what syphilis tastes like
I just ate four packages of Swiss Rolls. Being high and on food stamps is AHmazing.
You straddled the banister and fell down the stairs, then proceeded to crawl back up them, I think you need to lay down
The only excuse this guy at the club had for trying to make out with me as soon as I met him was "I AM FROM MEXICOOO"
She sprained her ankle last night trying to flash me.
Drank your wedding present. Sorry
I should know better than to open your texts at the grocery store
she walked up to me at the bar, kissed me, andthen declared "I HAVEN'T SEEN YOU OR YOUR PENIS SINCE 2011."
Also, we can't be seen together looking suspicious or sexually satisfied
Just escaped from the ER. Meet me at the bar in 20 minutes.
Randomize
