I met a girl last nite that charged by the inch. i didnt have enough money but i figured shed be a good deal for u
Sex don't cost a thang now that you can buy trojans with meal points.
I just googled "whats above a trillion", thats how busy I am at work.
Omg. In the pub, there's a guy shouting at the olympic channel 'yeah! Kill that motherfucker!' we're watching figure skating.
The moment that kid turns 18, I will have his sperm for all three meals.
Oh God. You're going to jail
Pre-crushing the pills for tomorrow morning. This way I can sleep in an extra 10 minutes.
You were like pukeahontas last night, you tried to tell us you were okay, then you puked in the garden.
Until you find your self finger banging supergirl in the middle of the dance floor while her friends are passing around for luigi mustache for a photo op, YOU HAVE NOT HIT MY LEVEL
He told me I was the only person he wanted to fuck in his rental mini van. Thats so romantic for a fuck buddy relationship.
Hearing them have a conversation is like listening to water buffalo have sex. Awkward and scarring.
So one possible side effect of women taking Viagra is that my tongue feels swollen. You having any?
All I'm saying is that if you have time for a 20 min shower bj you have time for me
Went up to some dude that hit on Laura and told him he has a voice like a grandma. Apparently didnt have muscles or kindness like grandma so can you pick me up at the ER please?
I just want to be like "i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it"
At what point in a new hookup do you tell the guy you need to wear a mouth guard when you sleepover because of your TMJ? Asking for a friend.
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