I kept waking up & seeing my Goodfellas poster and thinking it was a window with people crammed against it staring at me.
I guess the lighting in my room made it look like they were moving. I remember telling myself that they were watching over me and protecting me from the cops
According to Glamour magazine, experiencing sexual pleasure helps you live longer. I am dying an early death.
I just opened a bunch of old flavored condoms just to see what they tasted like.
so im goin to clemson & my drug dealers goin to penn state. this is the hardest breakup EVER.
we ended up on her 9 year old brothers bed and he saw the whole thing.... now he will know how to use his equipment
it's 8 a.m. and there are people having sex at the foot of the strangers bed i'm in. the guy just asked the girl how she lost her baby weight so fast.
Is asking my 8-year-old brother if he will make us shot glasses in his ceramics class too far?
It's like salsa. But with balls in it. I like to call it balsa
Apparently campus cops frown on lighting a joint off of the eternal flame on Jerry Falwell's grave...
IM SO HIGH RIGHT NOW, IM WHAT ROCKET MAN WANTED TO BE WHEN HE GREW UP. ELTON JOHN CAN BLOW ME.
How did I pull off convincing everyone that my name is Dad? Maybe they were just distracted by my boobs.
Well. I hope my dad likes whatever sweater stoned me picks out.
I have so many feelings about this burrito
All the movies on cable here are either porn or Bollywood. I am never leaving this hotel.
Swear on my life the dude next to us just ordered a pizza and I will fight to the death for a slice
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