There are huge fuckin pieces of palm tree in the road. what a road hazard. as i sit here and text you as i swerve to miss them
They seriously just ended our alcohol presentation by giving us beer cozies. I love college.
I feel the need to point out that one of the items on my to-do list for the day is "don't throw up" I have no concept of normal
I have an odd instinct I wont find my underwear tonight
So I woke up in a strange bed with a note taped to my arm giving me directions back to my brothers apartment.
I have to bobbypin his pubes for us to have sex. The other day he wanted me to braid them.
For once I want to have sex without having to google the after effects of it.
It's a pretty amazing thing to watch... He used "Rad tits" as his pick up line of the night. And it worked... 3 times
You were petting your bowl of cocoa puffs and shushing it softly while staring at the mirror
I've never known a porn star before
There's not even an emoji for this
Happy Father's Day to the first man I called Daddy while cumming.
YOUR STATE IS STUPID
Did you miss a turn again?
WHAT FUCKING IDIOT DECIDED TO DESIGN AN ENTIRE FUCKING STATE WHERE YOU CAN'T MAKE A FUCKING LEFT TURN?!? FUCK NEW JERSEY
So as you were leaving, you leaned on the table too much and 3 glasses slid and fell to the floor. You then looked at me and said "To be honest, glass isnt that expensive anyways" and stumbled out of the bar.
Accent: check. Hot body: check. 8" dick: check. Feeds me biscuits in bed after rampant sex: check. Should I continue with my "Why I'm not coming back to the States" List?
I know that whole thing was awkward. Not worth the piece of cake.
Randomize