not only did i climb through the window at 4 am but here i am 4 hours later for my interview at the mall and i'm staring in the dark pet store barking at puppies
just wrote a 6 page paper on my blackberry. including 3 sources. college is teaching me good things so far.
I don't remember what happened but judging from the contents of my pockets it had something to do with potatoes and glo in the dark condoms
Judging by the garbled spelling in the calendar reminders in my phone, drunk me really wanted sober me to take a pregnancy test today.
Dude. Yeah. This is a game changer. I feel dirty and possibly pregnant and it hasn't happened yet.
Imma do me. And by that, I mean I'm going to walk across campus still drunk at 9am on a Tuesday.
Who wrote "the chamber of secrets has been open, enemies of the heir beware" across my bathroom wall?
I imagine my service panda will provide sufficient protection. At the very least it will be an irresistible cuddly distraction while I make good my escape.
my last search of the night was "the physics of green eggs and ham" what the fuck
Like, yea, let's talk sexy but also...LOOK! I SAW A CAT!
I just want an early 40-something dude who is vaguely unencumbered, professionally driven and wants to put me in a ball gag.
I just want you to make me second guess my worth as a human. Is that too much to ask?
I will take a ruler to your dick so help me god
I told him I was studying his body for art, so now I have to actually do a drawing of him to not look like a creep and so we can hook up again.
Do you think Ashley had her twin sister tag in for our date? The sex was different and I think a mole was missing
Randomize
