Im sending over a girl who thinks youre in the next twilight movie
your the best winggirl ever
My New Years Resolution is to come up with a new resolution monthly. January: decrease my shotgunning consumption speed to 7 seconds or less.
I was masturbating in my bed this morning when my ipod alarm went off and it started playing "show me the meaning of being lonely"
So..he has a girlfriend BUT she rarely writes on her wall and is only in 5 of his 371 tagged photos and her default pic is her with some other dude. It cant be serious
Oh my god you need to get off of facebook.
Wait. Did you let me snort wine last night cause I wanted to smell jesus's blood?
Yes. I have pictures. Your soul is mine.
Went to the elf storage building to help him get his old dresser. Found his brother's stash in the drawer and ended up passed out w him on the mattress in there instead.
My dad just accidentally taught me how to make fake IDs. I love my life.
I'm at the point where I'm more upset that he got to keep my bottle of Fireball than that he stopped talking to me with no explanation
this case of pbr just wont end. i keep finding more.
Well I shit myself on the way home from work today so there's that...
Oh dear. If we're both hearing alien sounds then perhaps they're real.
YOLO is a great motto until you end up with Chlamydia
This is a long quiet interstate without somebody to sext.
Typical. We're ready to go, and you're not wearing pants.
Got a blowjob while watching James Bond's "Octopussy." My 13 year old self would be so proud
Randomize
