i'm chasing tequila w mint flavored ice cream, phil's chasing it w cream cheese, bashar's chasing it w pickles...i think we all know who the winner is....
Grown men dancing to Spice Girls and a girl wearing one shoe. I belong here
Also I feel like 60% of our relationship is based on sausage mcmuffins.
I vaguely remember having a 'grass is greener' conversation about our nipples. Dream or beautiful reality?
Beautiful, beautiful reality
can you just act like it's not so easy to get a blowjob from me??
I just called the on campus pharmacy and asked the pharmacist to tell me how each one of my medications will react with "excess alcohol consumption". And I'm not even ashamed...I've reached a new low.
OMG THE KID WHO TRIED TO MAKE OUT AT THE BAR WITH ME IS SITTIG NEXT TO ME IN THE AIRPORT. WHY LIFE WHY???
Yesterday I dumped him, went out for my birthday, hooked up with someone else, and today he still fed my cat. Living with your ex ain't so bad . . .
I was going to say I needed the exercise but now all I can think about is BJs
My work here is done
You guys wanna start around 10:30 tomorrow?
We can start at 5am for all I care. You ask like I have plans.
Omg last night I was giving shots out like I was the Willy Wonka of the alcohol world.
So I got cockblocked by our relationship status last night
He motorboated me, gave me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
Let's make a rule now, to not smoke weed out of our trumpets. After tonight.
whole 5th of capt = waking up in the shower after 2 hours and the whole house asking why i'm STILL in a towel. and me having nothing to say
Randomize
