She used my dick as a microphone to sing "any way you want it" I'm in love.
I woke up and blew hamburger out my nose. That kinda night.
I found a digiorno pizza in my washing machine.
So he ended up throwing a watermelon that he stole from the cafeteria saying "if i cant have it no one can" of the 5th floor.
she was literally 3 feet away from the garbage can, said she couldn't make it, and then proceeded to vomit on the floor in front of everyone in the restaurant
You don't understand, we were on a waffle house. Both of us were absolutely certain we passed out at his place then BAM! Waffle house.
I know you're asleep, but I just had a motherfucking epiphany.
I just baby talked my cat. While getting ready for bed... Before 10 on a Friday. I'm officially a cat lady.
I found a guy who will take me to the Olive Garden and he is CONVENTIONALLY ATTRACTIVE.
As he was cumming he yelled "Yahtzee" then said im free to go. Thats my one night stand
I was so fucked up last night that I peed on his FATHER'S BED and fell asleep there. and yes. his father was asleep in the bed
Also, don't forget your plan to die young at a shrooms-fueled orgy.
I just ordered a "football meatlong" from subway
The guy who said he's gonna suck your butthole till your face caves in is at Maggie's
How do you teach a grown ass men how to fuck? Why is good sex so hard to find these days?
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