Why are you at a bar in Connecticut?
Long story. One that now involves lots of delicious chicken wings om nom nom
can you come get me at the bar
ill be there in 10 min
can we stop off at build a bear on the way home
I am going to be the most sexually active ladybug that he has ever seen
His facebook status was woke up with a whale ..... Captain AHAB IS BACK !!!!!
My roommate's all sad and is crying and the chick I want to bang is in the room and Nic Cage is on fire. What the fuck.
We have a hundred jello shots. Lines will be crossed.
I am in macy's and just straight up heard an old lady taking a crap in her depends.
I didn't ride the struggle bus so much as drive it backwards off a cliff.
Dude, you disappeared somewhere on the walk back and shortly after we got a call from your cell phone from this guy explaining that him and his roommates woke up to the smell of burning pizza and a naked stranger on their couch.
I really want to lead this Amish guy into temptation
I'm like a walking PSA for tequila shots
if i ever get hit by a car or something and become paralyzed promise me youll still be here to hand feed me shots and light my bowls please
Elliott peed on my floor and slept in it lol that's a one line description.
So now I'm just going to brush my teeth, get high, and go to sleep. Like an adult
Fuck this pandemic. She grabbed the hand sanitizer instead of the hand lotion while giving me a hand job and now my dick is burning and scrotum are on fire
A hand job? Are you 12?
Randomize
