help me. he won't leave me alone. he just licked my ear and he's so drunk. get him off me. we're in the closet. help.
I had to go to the bank to confirm purchases made on 10/31/09 because they were signed as Lady Gaga
He decided not to draw dicks on my face when I passed out because he was afraid I'd retaliate and superglue his dick to his stomach....he knows me too well.
He said he wouldn't use a condom because he didn't want to kill anymore trees.
The more I stare at her and block out what she's actually saying with thoughts of what she could be saying, the more interested I become
He looks like he got hit by a weed-eater with chlamydia
Dude, you passed out sitting straight up AND in mid sentence last night
They make twin pack pregnancy tests for girls like us
We need to put it on a rope attached to the bong, so it can't be dropped. Apparently, you need a stem safety leash.
Well you know it's going to be an interesting night when the bathroom attendant is doing hail marrys
You suck at answering, but you did manage to avoid a fun conversation about hemorrhoids. So maybe you're great at answering.
See I would make a great girlfriend. My surprises are sex and burritos. What else do guys want
I ate 2 pot cookies before we left the house. Fuck Pokemon. I'm playing my own game.
I’m on my third beer doing poppers in the shower to no doubt
thanks for the bj man. also make sure you close the gate behind you. the chickens are out.
Randomize
