Cold hands, warm shart.
good penises are hard to come by.... must be the economy...
you kept telling everyone that you were the mayor of silverware town
i fell off the bed in the middle of it, and he yelled "5 second rule" and kept fucking me. i think im in love
We walked in and they were fucking to Somewhere Over the Rainbow... I need a new roommate.
I've slowly been stuffing french fries down his pants. I'm at 31 and he hasn't even noticed.
Hey, just wanted to let you know that University Police stopped by and repossessed the stolen laundry basket. And the 8 bottles of detergent.
I'm back here naked if anyones wondering
I think I just wrote a poem about your penis but it was totally unintentional.
He's short and fat and honestly I think he's what my self esteem was made for
The annual Father's Day Wake and Bake has been canceled due to lack of hustle.
Let's play another riveting game of "Whose boxers are hanging on my fence?"
I'm six Popsicles away from an existential breakdown.
Text me some of your sweat
I am 11 times too hungover to give the eulogy
Randomize
