She was so drunk that I kept trying to switch out her wine for water. Sort of like Jesus, but in reverse.
The bar I'm at just passed out smores to everyone. I don't know what it has to do with cinco de mayo but I'm down.
basically at this point ill snort whatever you put in front of me and just hope
She soaked the fruit in vodka for ten minutes and then mixed it with normal fruit and sherbert icecream. It was called "lottery fruit".
Dude's from Puerto Rico. Majoring in Spanish is like us majoring in drinking with a minor in watching Forgetting Sarah Marshall.
Waking and baking in my bathtub. In a giant sweater. And no pants. This is going to be the best 420 ever.
Then you started asking people on the drunk bus if they knew the word "gumption". if they didn't you told them they weren't taking advantage of their high education opportunities and you were disappointed in them.
An open call to all exes! i have a drunk text policy that requires i delete any and all texts after drink 3, however i have reason to believe i have done something stupid. if i have texted you that "I love you", "miss you" and/or conveyed any interest in getting back together with you in the last 24 hours i was belligerent and lying. That is all.
if I'm at school tomorrow just indulge my moment of pity and let me cry on your shoulder
Definitely worth waiting her kid to got to sleep when the first thing you hear once she's back is "I want you in my ass right now"
New year means new boundaries for the Brazilian lady.. I'm pretty sure I got wax on my asshole
This is what happens when wu tang raised you
No piss test, hell yeah
FALSE ALARM. PISS TEST. I NEED YOUR PISS.
The squirrels were at the front door. Dude I swear..
Let's just say when I woke up I was still drunk. My hangover hit me around noon so I chilled w my dad and took a bath and shower at the same time. You just can't do that at college
Randomize
