I ran out of diet so I'm mixing captain with a juice box. Being a mom has finally paid off.
Just so you know, coffee creamer+water does not = milk.
Nothing makes my dick softer than hot girls in rain boots.
Supposedly i was taking multiple birth control pills while screaming dot judge me. Never going back
I had a dream that our used condom started talking to me. I told me that I did an amazing job, and told me that it saved me. From aids.
I expected to wake up with a sext of you posing nude and all I got was a missed call.....disappointed.
I'm sorry I think it was because I lost a chicken nugget in my purse and that's all that was on my mind until 4am
The best part about being single is knowing how much everyone secretly creeps behind their gf/bfs back. You wouldn't believe..Have a great date night!
Goldenshlager is a hell of a drink. And these are the adventures ur missing out on w me. I gave someone a bath Emily. A BATH.
Awkward
Can't say I wouldn't let it happen again.
its just been over 12 hours, and i`m dying, don`t know how i`m supposed to survive the holidays sexless
In other news, I just burned my penis
i tried to propose to him with my nipple ring but i couldnt figure out how to take it out
Actually here it's more "lie around naked in a dark room" weather.
Do the security cameras outside your house capture sound? If so your whole family is going to hear me describe my threesome
I apparently lifted the young child over my head yelling "Victory!" after that last game of pool, right before doing some Girls Just Wanna Have Fun karaoke.
Howd last night go?
well he stumbled in my parents door drunk and then asked my mom if she was my grandma. Id say as far as first impressions go, he failed miserably
Randomize
