We are allowed to think Jacob from Twilight is hot in 468 days!
I don't know what is sadder, the fact that you figured that out or the fact that I can't wait until then!!
I'm still reeling over the fact that you beat us all at Risk while you were flat on your ass drunk and falling asleep on South America.
All I need in life is some dick and a big mac.
Ya I fucked her.. But now Melissa is gonna find out
Just tell her that in a man's never ending war between his heart and his dick... His heart never wins
I cleaned out the fridge, had to pound the brews. I am going to be wrecked for my final at 1
Straight up if I get stuck with her I'm going to drink myself into a prison cell.
somedays, I wish the drugs you give me would convince me they were a bad idea preingestion.
where's the fun in that?
I stole a fireplace last night.
I'm trying to convey to the smoking hot Spanish cleaning lady at work that I want to bone her but I think it's getting lost in translation. How do you say "blowjob" in Spanish?
I took shrooms last night.. For a good half hour I genuinely believed I was black and being held captive by a leaf. Never again.
Showed up physical therapy hammered. The therapist just says this isnt part of the program.
That moment when you cant decide between eating spaghetti or a Popsicle for breakfast
Hey kevin, it's Ashlee. I have been trying to get ahold of you. Your pledge gave me your number. I really wanted to apologize for shitting in your car I'll buy new upholstery or pay to have it shampooed if needed. I'm so embarrassed.
I feel like a grown up and it scares me so I'm hiding out in the bathroom stall and messaging you
i may have just googled 'is philly rioting right now'
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