Every time I find out someone else from high school got pregnant accidentally, I want to declare victory over them.
its easy. just sleep with a bunch of guys until one falls in love
life lesson# 3: saying thank you on a subway really means "im not a native new yorker, so please feel free to touch my ass"
hmm. interesting. explain how you came across this knowledge.
i sneezed. he said bless you. i said thank you. he groped. i again said thank you.
Cops showed up at 4 am to address a noise complaint and she called them pussies for not doing shots with us.
u ever jackoff with ur legs spread and pretend ur fuckin urself as a girl and get mad u'll never know what that feels like. Or to fly like a bird?
Did u absorb a fraternal twin in the womb?
My last google search last night was 'vodka swimming pool'.
Getting wasted on top of a casino. My penis is so much higher than everyone else's right now.
A giant panda just asked me for a cigarette and said "man pandas gotta smoke too." There is something wrong with this place.
This is kind of a weird question but were you the other girl Ben asked to do a group sex thing with?
ever had one of those days where you say fuck it and lick the inside of a bag of chips
Please come collect your inebriated significant other. He just sleep-farted and scared my cats. Please hurry.
He's a doctor now.. hope he can cure his small dick
I just had sex in the footy bunny pajamas my mom bought me for christmas. Tis the season
the only reason I'm still sleeping with him is to get the university's secure wifi password
Remind me to do laundry tomorrow so i have something decent to take off when i get laid.
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