I'm at a Mexican Walmart. Wish you were here.
my mom walked in on my vaccuming.......i wasnt vaccumming
i cant believe jose lima did steroids
apparently the kind that make you shitty at baseball
she went home with me because she said i reminded her of paul rudd. remind me to thank him for his awkwardness
just so you know... i was wasted last night, but the evening is coming back to me in flashes... i made you eat gravy last night, didn't i?
My mom just told me my dad shaves his pubes while drunk and I don't know how to feel anymore.
Only I could go on a date with one guy, have a beer with a different guy and go home with the guy im trying to avoid. I have a talent or a problem.
don't worry about my dad. he just hates you because you're liberal, not because we're fucking.
I can insert a female catheter, but I cannot grill a cheese.
You tried to use him as a battering ram. I'm 99% certain that's why he left.
Next time I will hook the Xbox before I get high I spent 30minuts thinking I was playing the Simpsons game when it was in reality a tv episode
We will let tequila do the talkin this weekend
I bet your mom's never met a girl who's thrown up at the presidential inauguration before though.
THIS IS NOT A LAUGHING MATTER, CAITLIN. MY PARENTS ARE FUCKING. LOUDLY.
A guy caught me talking to a sock today in the Laundry room if it makes you feel any better
Sadly that does. Why...where you talking to a sock
Bc I didn't know him and I asked him where he came from and why he was hanging out with my thongs
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