Rule #1. Nothing comes between you and fantasy sports. Not even a hot chick willing to give you a blow job
She forgot my birthday again. How do you forget something that came out of your vagina???
My dad just told the waiter to keep the pitchers coming until someone passes out.
the game I always play with drunk me is can-you-button-and-unbutton things? If the answer is no, go home. Usually it's his pants
I'm imaging you naked, covered in butter. And I gotta say, I'm not impressed.
WHY does every guy I sleep with want to fix my car?!
Bad things happen to those who bang their lab partner at the beginning of the semester.
You might be at the point of severe desperation when you gotta hold the two pieces of your broken vibrator together just to get off.
It was like a square peg in a round hole... I've never seen one shaped like a stick of butter...
this whole "benign brain tumor" is truly a blessing in disguise. I almost want to start bringing MRIs to the bar because sympathy pussy is flowing like the nile
I was stuffing my vagina with gummy bears last night having him eat them out of me. Team Haribo for the win!
He referred to our sex as "an Olympic event." My tits are bruised.
we went book shopping, so yes this relationship is going to be about more than sex
So there i was right, midnight, washing my junk off in my bathroom sink.
Did u find my other sock in your bra? U said u were uneven so I did the gentlemanly thing.
Randomize
