Forget about socially acceptable. Make me happy instead
like if someone fucked a dictionary but instead of having a penis, it was just one of those leap frog educational toys
I hope to god you are high
Crying babies in a bar. Really?
And she just changed the baby's diaper on the table. It's killing the beer garden.
I accidently shit my pants. So I tried to throw my underwear in their lake, but they floated. So in the middle of the night, I got into the paddle boat and had to throw a rock on top of them so they would sink. Next time, I just won't shit myself.
These old men are woofing at me..PLEASE HURRY
She broke up with him yesterday after she cheated on him. He's going a bachelor party next weekend. How has Homeland Security not raised the threat level?
I am not saying having unprotected sex in my boss' pool was a good idea, I am just saying it wasn't my worst idea of the summer.
Haha he's lucky I don't kick him back into the land of the majestic handjobs
Last night I went to spank her while she was riding me and sack-tapped myself.
I just found a contact in my phone named "Sam 'it Won't Fit' Wilson". No clue when or where it came from....
I'm gonna hop on that dick and ride it into the sunset
she hacked my macbook and downloaded an illegal version of the original pokemon red, completely nude in my computer chair. there were several levels of hornyness existing all at once
debating what would be more effort, turning on to my other side or trying to get myself off with my left hand. that kind of lazy day.
My loniness meter has reached its peak. I just played shadow puppets using my Big Mac on the wall with my cats
There is no rule that you can't be in a room with more than one dick that's been inside you.
Randomize
