Since she's grinding up on your thigh right now, I'm sending you this text hoping it makes your phone vibrate in her vagina
The first sip always goes straight to my vagina.
Who's your beautiful friend? Please include the words "Straight", "Single", and "Legal" in your response.
You were passed out on the chair and when I asked you if you were okay you looked up and said "I'm fine, I was just pretending for a picture" then passed out again.
We decided to leave the bar after we shattered a glassand then drive to steal a baby pool for our water festivities tomorrow
I like yr title more along "the hot Russian I have sex with."
I brought some guy back to have cheese whiz with me. Then sent him home
Was he satisfied?
No, and very vocal about it.
I mean, I gave him a hand job on the Pearl Harbor tour bus; I don't know what the fuck else he wants out of this "relationship"
Things in my bed this morning: a Waffle House hat, a finding nemo DVD, sharpies, my graduation robes and an adult diaper. Did we play drunk scavenger hunt again?
I have to remind myself to breathe. That hungover.
Well I'm about 60% wine, 30% pure rage and 10% tears at the moment and I'm disappointed in how little alcohol is in me
handcuff keys just fell out of my bra....wtf happened last night?
I love FaceTime, every time you ring me the morning after its like I went home with your one night stand too.
Well I thought I saw everything and then I saw Christmas themed poop bags at Petco.
im gonna miss him. and by him, i mean his dick
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