nut hugger
she came to the game with a camelback filled with booze. except it was only the bag part so she duct taped to her back
i admit it was a weird experience, but why regret what once made you cum
We learned a lot about one another. I showed him around the town I grew up in and he informed me that he has had a threesome and killed a cat
Maybe it was silver. I don't know. I was drunk sifting through my dogs vomit.
He was all like, "I think ur the one that got away and I miss you." I replied, "I gave u a hand job once in your hot tub. No need to wax nostalgic about it."
WHO INVENTED HANGOVERS WHERE ARE MY CLOTHES
I just caught myself watching and Irish step dance documentary in my underwear drinking nyquil through a straw at 2 in the afternoon. today's off to a good start.
She was dressed as a banana and told me that I needed more potassium in my diet. Of course I went down on her.
I walked in on him jerking it to videos of UFC fighters. The most awkward part: he didn't stop when I walked in.
oh, i solved that problem. i told him i wanted to steal my roommate's nephew. radio silence. haven't heard from him since.
Never admit to being cold at those things. That is how you end up waking up the next morning naked under animal pelts... or so I have heard.
When we found you, you were half crying/half singing Taylor swift songs at 2am in the bathroom, and occasionally puking. I think I get "friend of the year" award just for putting up with your drunk ass all night.
He tried to kiss me in the middle of hooking up... it was a deal breaker. I got off him and left.
So making out with chicks at the bar is fine and dandy, but your booty call can't kiss you? You have the strangest fucking rules...
When I woke up today i said I will NOT sleep with her. This morning I did the walk of shame into work wearing the same clothes... How was your Monday?
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