she gave me a schnouzer then wanted to kiss while we were having sex...i had to puppy slap her nose. pick me up out front.
Donna and I are betting on whether or not you are going to cheat on your boyfriend tonight....I said you wouldnt do it.
You might as well just give her the money now.
its like randi wears special contacts, but instead of colors they make her eyes say "I want cock"
Listen, I'm 30. If it doesnt involve a super soaker and some chicken wings, you can count me out.
There's a level of bonding between people at the liquor store at 10:30 in the morning that's unrivaled
if tampons were more like dildos the world would be a better place
i DID try to find you last night. i asked where you were and you texted me the letter "e" and a picture of the dark.
It's that time of the week again where I begin to ponder life's great questions like, "What will my pathetic excuse for a future look like?" and "Why tacos?"
I have good news and bad news. Bad news, she's not in porn. Good news, I found porn.
I survive off of bourbon and the tears of others only
Although can we find me a starter dick? I don't want security showing up again. That was awkward.
so apparantly i made out with 24 santas last night...and an elf...and a stoner
I told him I want him to read me my Miranda rights while he's fucking me. Act exactly like he does while he's on duty except with his dick out.
I woke up this morning and my house is covered in shredded cheese with my laptop open and a google image search for "awesome shit".
I think I broke my dick but 10/10 would definitely do it again.
Randomize
