I finally beat you i just fucked my professor last night!!!\n\n
sry, psychiatrist trumps professor
Stop selling my mother weed! She's annoying as hell when she's stoned.
Wait, how is it that I'm just getting ready to go out and you're already showing your penis to freshmen girls?
sooo what's the appropriate music to listen to after you find out the dude you been fucking, is legit married with kids...what genre is that?
She just kept saying "bless your heart" to him while he cried because he came so fast. I think a Texas woman was just what he needed
The straight guy here is hot. He described himself as Christian grey without the money and my vagina fell out of my body
I am on my usual post-jerkoff high of eternal happiness. Like I could punch a fucking tiger.
i don't know man... i just want to listen to John Lennon every time i finish fucking her. is this love?
Wine and a Lunchable. That would be depressing if it wasn't the pepperoni and mozzarella one. Those are the shit!
I don't think he liked your vagina hand signal
danced like there was no tomorrow. surprise. there's a tomorrow
Do you think you could cook pancakes while i blow you?
You know its a good night when ur woken up by the bartender asking you how he ended up at your house
I woke up next to a Big Mac box.. And had no sheets or clothes on. The night was a success I think.
We hooked up and he sent me home with a plant and skittles lmao
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