He's married, but his wife isn't my neighbor so I don't feel bad about coveting him.
you know what would be great? if dirt tasted like steak and could get you drunk.
Best moment of my life. I just got a text from some random number that said i can't wait to touch you. Her name is kiara and she had the wrong number.
you wouldnt answer to anything but devil's advocate all night.
I woke up and peed for 26 seconds this morning. 26 seconds!
just had dinner with my dad's new gf and her daughter.. had to drink a beer to get through it.. she's 19 she has on a disney watch and snowflake earrings
she came to the game with a camelback filled with booze. except it was only the bag part so she duct taped to her back
She told me my pubes were as soft as "fine wool"
Obviously you've never slept with someone who was deliverance level inbred.
Nothing says "Good Morning" like Jell-o shots and coffee cakes.
You're worse than that girl who made out with her cousin at that party
That was you...
Well pulled into the driveway, and there she was. Kinda like a Vegas version of the mint on a pillow
Easy. Go to walmart, buy a bag of charcoal. everyone gets a present and it's cheap.
I just realized my hands still smell like your cock. Which is awesome, but I wonder if the clerk at the store appreciated it.
I feel bad. I'm the reason hand sanitizer exists.
His penis is average but his stamina is amazing!!! I didn’t know I had that many orgasms in my body!!!!
Randomize
