peeing in bathroom at penn station and the homeless man next to me is combing his beard with a fork...god I love new york
My T9 Word has dryhumped saved but I can't even get it to figure out bbq.
Then he told me he was 40. I'm not sure if I have enough Daddy issues to go for it
tell that swedish kid i didnt take his shotgun. he GAVE it to me.
I feel wrong giving my mom a cash gift full of dirty stripper money.
There were so few words spoken that I'm not sure if it was make-up or break-up sex.
the beer staff turned into a beer spear way to quickly
Just did an upsidedown spineboard shot. Gotta love lifeguard parties.
I am as serious as getting herpes in Mexico...
What do herpes have to do with anything?
No im the worst roommate ever. Just dump a bucket of water on my head at 8am so i can suffer like i deserve to.
My boobs are feeling quite sensitive so I told them, " you is smart, you is kind, you is important" that should do the trick.
tell her i changed her phone's unlock password to be the length of my fully erect penis in centimeters. I'll be in my room for the next two hours.
It was everywhere. My dick was a sprinkler of lost future children.
You're gonna be sprawled out basking in the sun working on your tan like a ridiculously hot iguana, and I'm gonna be here bundled up in about 72 layers just so I don't freeze my dick off looking like the Michelin man's gay cousin
i apologize, I may have called you an iguana
Mistakes were made
I'd invite you over to drink but then I wouldn't be drinking by myself.
Randomize
