Hahahhahaha! Oooh get it! Ugh I am so dead but if I go to the lib whuich I will hopefully b havung sex instead, ill hit u up
kerrys trying to convince everyone in the bar shes a lesbian. cheers to not being the drunkest girl in the room. i probably wont piss myself tonight.
Best thing law school has taught me: how to use logic to turn a girls "no I will not have sex with you" into "well I might as well get laid"
if u cant get laid at this wedding we need to have a looooooong talk about the possibility of u becoming a lesbian
Ok seriously I'm living off of bologna but I have 4 handles in the freezer.
well she hit her head and had a concussion. i had to make out with her to keep her awake.
My phone saved "first signs of pregnancy" as a most visited search.
I have the slightest memory of swinging a bag full of condoms over my head...
Do not deep throat a rocket pop, it WILL go into your lungs, and you may die.
I took 36 pictures of my lava lamp. your weed wins.
He came over drunk in a speedo i told him he has my vote he said who are you voting for when i said obama he took off running and shouting i was worthless like an empty beer can
You're like the Mr. T of my A-team, only less gold jewelry and more pitying of fools.
That's the nicest thing anyone has said to me all day.
When you licked the fourth stranger's cheek the bar tender pretty much ordered us to get you out.
GUESS WHOSE BEST FRIEND IS OUT OF PRISON!
Wakes up in a cold sweat at 3am, 136 unread messages and the preview on the notification is "I JUST GOT TO THE INCEST PART"
Randomize
