Not just anyone can homewreck on three continents simultaneously
you are my hero
She pulled a cheeseburger out of her purse. I have missed her so much.
he thanks me after handjobs.
you found the perfect man.
There's three frat guys comparing how you were in bed. apparently you have gotten worse with time
during a bj, his alarm went off and he said "At the buzzer"
Looking at an apartment in Houston. It's right beside my favorite bar and the zoo. Best or worst decision?
Smoked before work and just remembered i left pringles in my desk last time i was high. SCORE
sex on the stairs. not our finest idea.
I feel like my body was put in a dryer with rocks set on permanent press.
My sobriety has gotten out of control. I think I need an intervention.
Afterwards I drank a whole bottle of cake vodka in the bathtub while he was bawling his eyes out. Hands down weirdest hookup I've ever had.
She told me the next morning I stared at her tits for like 15 minutes with binoculars from only a few seats away.
I will not go because I am a man of my word and of my penis.
it's my fake id's birthday. i'm wearing a hat, and i have a beard. i'm untouchable. TO THE BARS!
Have I told you i love you?
there's no need we are two peas in a naughty pod of fuckery
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