You just made me feel so damn special
She was sucking his dick at Seacrets outside bar in front of all of us...her friends kept coming over crying and yelling "Tiffany stop it"
So what if i ate it off the ground. Its like i found a five dollar bill just laying there, in burrito form.
I'm glad you trust me to be your sex stat keeper.
Please tell me why 'cock-a-thon' was auto saved in my phone.
I'll be spending 4/20 on a cruise ship, so i need a babysitter to make sure I don't reenact Titanic
You hit on my mom and then passed out in the kiddie pool.
So, I was thinking... Since this restraining order doesn't go into affect until monday, that leaves us 5 days to wreck his world.
Well that's the first time I've woken up with wet jorts
I'm two sheets to the sexual wind
The things I do for you. Not that I'm unhappy about it. I'm just saying you should love me.
Did you sleep with him again?
No! I just led him to believe that I would if he gets me booze. Do I have that little class that you have such minimal faith in me?
cops woke me up on the sidewalk and asked where my shoes are.. fuck if i know, im sleeping on the sidewalk! actually i didnt say that, i just cried until they gave me a ride home.
damnit. I just found my cousin on tinder.
I feel like I got hit by a truck. And I vaguely remember getting into an argument with a passive aggressive Ron Burgundy in a onesie- grown man, not a baby- about the pronunciation of New Orleans
I think I fell asleep on my pizza last night. Damn, I am sauccccy.
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