ps i'm pretty sure i was blacked out when we hooked up? good thing i was w. you and not an actual diddler or an organ harvester
Hahaha. Shut up you were blacked out my ass. U were str8 mixin it up with urs truly like it was ur J-O-B
I just accidently sent my poop smells like vodka to 27 people in my phone book
I'm so tired of dating women who lie about their age. You show up feeling like you need to follow them around with a dust pan and a broom.
rubbing her clit was like playing thumb war
It's a shame that I don't know his last name. Actually, it's an ever bigger shame that I don't know his first name
Pretty sure that Albanian broad gave me something last night. Now we play the waiting game.
Sorry i'm not sorry i made out with your dad. It was father's day weekend, get a grip
He was puking up tons. He aimed his face inside his coat. Not a drop in my car. Then he thanked me for the ride.
we can be functional adults and still think pizza lunchables are the shit
Oh btw I learned how to say "my penis is a flamethrower" in German. Tonights gonna be fun
I hate you so much right now. You got us kicked out of my favorite bar because your drunk ass was hogging the Bluetooth jukebox and would play NOTHING but that goddamn skeleton song. IT'S NOT EVEN OCTOBER YET.
Spopky scrzy skeletonssz
It wasn't your birthday, you weren't supposed to be the drunk one
When people keep buying you drinks at the bar because they like you, you can't say no to them
i dont know the whole gay terminator look is really hot on him
And no one can masturbate with the sound of Bernie's voice in the background
While buying Plan B the lady at the counter looked at me and said hope you have a successful night as I walked away in shame
Randomize