Seriously, stop being so datable w your movie/song prefs
Just threw up at the table during our Father's Day dinner. And I managed to get quite a bit on dad, so that was nice.
So then the officer asked you how you were getting home and you told him "very carefully"
Hey Operation Dumbo Drop... FYI, when you select your date this evening, our doorway is 3'x7'
Pants on the Ground is the theme song of my life
I want to frame my negative pregnancy test.
I'm just gonna be the bigger person here and say I want you inside me
I can't believe you just thanked me for a blowjob on my Facebook wall...
I woke up this morning next to a stack of saltines & a txt from u saying "do it." it took me a second to remember wat was going on
Seriously wondering if smoking a bowl for lunch was a bad idea.
OR THE BEST. STAY TUNED.
Yes, i finally made it. but let me tell you...i can smell myself right now in class right now, this scent is called alcoholism.
As added birth control I warned him that if he knocked me up tonight I would name the baby Truck.
Dude you ate toast sprawled out on my kitchen floor and said "this is comfy". No more day drinking.
it's graduation. he's gonna get congratulations slash emotional i cant believe youre leaving me sex.
I dressed up as a breathalyzer test for Halloween; never had so many straight dudes blow me before!
Randomize
