Def slept AT the bar last night, wow that's a first!
Update, blind date is cute and fun.
Scratch that, blind date just threw up.
Sorry I totally forgot to text you back. When you texted me I was at work at the pharmacy and it was stupid busy. And then of course I had my 8 hour "shoot me b/c half of Loyola comes in to buy plan B" shift.
just got drunk at a party with Christmas themed solo cups.. holidays are officially here.
there's something wrong with the internet when a search for "barney the dinosaur violence" comes up with nothing
We got drunk before dinner. People at the other tables were praying for us.
There was a community pot of Ramen, and if you were in the pool you were either fully clothes or ass naked.
KEG. KEG. THE OPERA HAS A KEG. KEG STAND IN A TUX. AFTER PARTY RAVE AND KEG STANDS.
I asked for my Beats earbuds back and he sent me a pic of them tied around his penis. Now I miss both my great ear buds and his great dick
He used the ring emoji and we've gone out four times. What is my life.
My ass is in a myriad of pain right now
Lesson learned - Taco Bell before a long night of BDSM is a BAD idea
We found you walking up the on ramp to the highway carrying a 40 mph speed limit sign with no shoes on. Rough night?
God gave you your own nipples for a reason.
Next thing I know her tits are out on my desk. It was straight out of a porno. What was I supposed to do I’m not made of stone
I should have known when she mixed malibu and V8. It smelled just like tanning oil and when she drank it she said "Oh well, not the first time."
Randomize
