I wish my penis had an off switch
Im dancing with my grandma to Low right now at the wedding. There's no coming back from this.
finally achieved: got laid in the religion section of borders. thought you should know.
I think it's a friendship ring and the other part is on his cats collar
i wish i coudl send you meat via computure
i'm already feeling the tequila hangover i'm going to have on friday
The TA leading my study session just said "now get outta here. I need to get drunk before class"
Your friends turned off our power in the basement and when we went to turn it back on I got sprayed in the face with a fire extinguisher. FYI.
First thing on my "to do" list- get sober for community service.
So my roommate and I have a written agreement stating that if he tries to sleep with his ex girlfriend, I have to immediately intervene and nut punch him then send her on her way.
this is the most serious roommate agreement ever
I have the WORST cramps EVER. I think this is gods way of saying 'you're welcome, last warning. stop being a slut.'
Why does your life consist of lesbians, black guys and cats?
I ditched my one night stand in the hotel lobby. How did he add me on Snapchat?
...this is why fuck buddies should be only for grownups.
I told you that we shouldn't have sex. You said "its okay I already saw you pee" apparently that was convincing
Randomize
