Please advise as to how precisely ashamed I should be if I just became sexually aroused by a Harry Potter and the Half Blood Prince preview
you were so high you were expressing yourself in action figures
my way of studying for our final tomorrow: registering online to retake the class in the fall
You're just mad at the fact that I want to be a car alarm.
On second thought, trying to signify she was a butter face by wiping my bagel on her cheek may not have been in my best of interests
She made out with the kickboxers bf. She was just asking to get kicked in the head. In the middle of the bar.
There is nothing more embarrassing than your birth control alarm going off while in a meeting with your boss and they tell you to take it.
Jumanji is 1000% better stoned while cooking breakfast.
You're a five foot adderall and caffeine fueled ball of sexual frustration and suppressed rage. It's only a matter of time before you snap. We're taking bets on when.
Do you think I can get away with quoting Work Bitch by Britney Spears in my speech?
I've only hooked up with engineers this year and it may be the best future financial decision I've ever made
I love him about as much as I'd love fucking myself with a cactus.
There's lube and condom packets all over the street we missed something awesome.
you should probably call the Bronx Zoo in the morning to formally apologize
its the right thing to do
You know what sucks about being drunk at 4 pm? Not a god damn thing.
Randomize
