i tried to light my apt on fire. reasons why drunks and women should not cook
Nice. Sry i missed. Also sorry that i pissed on my toothbrush last nite
Sink seemed easy target but balance was no good
Saying she let herself go implies she was actually holding on
He jizzed my face. I had to ask for a washcloth. He ran his underwear under the water and handed them to me. Not so romantic.
I jacked off with the cucumber and then made that fatass a salad.
there were more penises there than on chat roulette
Finished drinking tea out of a red party cup when I was done I flipped it without even thinking
we just finished a porn and sex toy shopping spree. this is the fun part of "being serious"
Finals are done.. I just wanna get drunk and pretend I'm a seahorse.
Pro: she asked me to be a bridesmaid. Con: i only have about nine months to get over a phobia of midget strippers.
Just letting everyone know that I am still alive after last night. On a related note, this is the 15th "I'm not dead!" mass text I've sent. You've got to celebrate the little things.
I definitely think you should enjoy one last spring break being a sorostitute before you get serious and settle down with price charming. I mean hes not going to be there any way. he can wait a week.
He was so fat that he broke two of my ribs
Maybe it's time to stop screaming I'm a chubby chaser every time you enter a drinking establishment
Here's a concept though: eating pasta while getting laid
You really need to stop getting injured so often it's really starting to negatively impact my sex life. Oh and get well soon. . . no seriously though hurry the fuck up.
Randomize
