Jesus was obviously not given an itemized list of your sins before he died for them
turns out the website for Dick's Sporting goods is not "dicks.com". It was a win either way.
there was a guy here who managed to get his head stuck in a fishbowl. no, I don't fuckin know how
Don't you hate it when all three people suddenly sober up in the middle of a threesome. Awwwwkward.
just woke up COVERED in glow sticks and glitter. didn't even have to turn the light on to puke.
I just pulled a piece of cookie out of my bra in the middle of class. I'm forever alone.
He's like a fucking cake pop, the greatest thing in the world while it lasts, but it never lasts for long enough
It's like the bat signal. He only texts me when I'm naked.
Dude. I need you to practice dancing around in your banana hamock. Party boy style. I'll call later with details.
I can see your house from here
Get off of his fucking roof
Just paid for my STD meds using a giftcard I got for Christmas. Thanks mom.
Nothing like a near-death experience to start off your Thanksgiving...
I think my brain is throwing up inside my head. How do you live like this?
Slept in and having coffee. No sounds of whipping and no veiny dildos next to me. This is good. How's your mornin?
The neighbor just poured gasoline on his 2 brush fires and proceeded to shoot Roman candles at them 🤔
Randomize