So it's 10:55am and I just woke up on the floor in the hallway on the4th floor. There should probably be no moredrinking competetions.
Aren't I supposed to sit on your face?
my dad is drunk dialing our relatives who are stuck in a blizzard asking them to pick up sun tan lotion for him cause hes too drunk to drive to the store.
I need to move out. I just walk of shamed my way into a family breakfast party. There's no response when grandma says "where you coming from in heels at 9AM?"
I've spent the last ten minutes rubbing glue sticks on the wall
If I come back covered in mud topless and banging on your door, please have a warm towel ready for me
I really hope the fuck ferry pays me a visit to close out 2011 properly.
There's no point in calling it Big Titties Tuesday if girls with big tits don't get anything special
I think it may of been me pulling down my pants is why she walked away.
That bottle of wine took a part of my soul with it.
That moment when your whole family facetimed you just moments before you threw up all over the entire living room
Well at least I will forever be known as the girl he ate out on the lifeguard stand while people walked by. On the first date.
I mean, I've had her boob in my mouth, but is that romance?
Hey remind me the get the pancakes out of my jacket
I kept my extra Molly pill in my wallet in the change part, that's also where I keep my body jewelry while I'm working. The nose ring punctured the pill essentially coating itself in MDMA. My nose ring is back in my nose. This could be entertaining
Randomize
