So she started giving everyone lap dances, and i was like "i think i like this chick"
There is somethin about your sexuality that makes my dick do jumping jacks when I see you
I just ran into the couch, vagina first.
I hope you got dinner out of it
i called my mom using *69 and said this was the principal and Matt has a snow a day today. she believed me.
Don't worry about it. I've taken so much Plan B, my uterus is purely for show now.
I want to fuck you with a popsicle till it melts then eat it out of you
Really.
when she asked where we met, i said the liquor store. the next words out of moms mouth? 'oh that's real promising molly'
I only saw you for about 5 min, but you were rambling about how not even the whiskey could make you fight the skeleton guards.
Hey, ok if I kidnap you? I wanna test a theory.
I took did three shots of fireball and did and handstand. When I stood up some busty slut lead me my the hand down the hall into her dorm room.
But I'm sure your having and "a monumentally better time" repeating the 12th grade
I think the worst part about being a real adult is 1)having a high stress job that makes me want to get stoned 2)paying for reefer using my own money 3)realizing my boyfriends children probably have more weed connections than I do anymore
He has no idea he's waking up in slut palace tomorrow morning
Being hungover in this office is the actual worst. Like they look at me and know I was wasted at 1 am, karaokeing Billy Idol at a gay bar.
Taking dicks and breaking hearts, no better life
I don't care. She's the only girl to make me feel like my face is melting when she blows me.
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