Alarm just got pulled in my exam
Swear it wasn't me
I'm actually agreeing with glenn beck. What the FUCK was in that margarita?!
To this day, he introduces me as "the girl I met climbing trees at 3 A.M."
You were sad because he was "taking it out on the plant"
Not sure if it's my shorts, hat, shoes, hair or soul but one of the above just got me drunk again from the glorious aroma of Keystone Light.
The highlight of your blackout was when you drunk showered with the garden hose and emailed your boss your vacation requests for the next year.
I need a straight guy to pretend to be my boyfriend for 30 minutes so that I can pull off an act of petty vengeance. Interested?
That does it. We're drinking til we're pirates.
Holy. Crap. I just found a hickey on my bikini line. He never got my pants off. WHO IS THIS MYSTICAL HOOKUP WIZARD?
I wanted to make fun of someone saying that to an untrained ear, skrillex is blah blah blah. But it was too soon after they said it. And now I can't find it. These are real problems.
I just fell off a roof. So I'm kinda chillin for a minute.
I'm pretty sure the guy on the dance floor with crutches just smacked me in the butt with one. Do you think he's flirting?
Nothing screams "crazy cat lady" like a nursery in your house when you're over 30, single and have no kids.
This chick just walked out of the men's room with molly all over her nose and her shirt half unbuttoned. She nodded to all of us and said "gentlemen" as she exited
I choose my mates solely based on size and ability. No cuddles. No sleep overs. Definitely no repeats.
Randomize
