it was like his penis was on wheels.
It's sad how good I am at giving people diseases
I am too high to leave where I am...And they are listening to Stained. This is my living hell.
Woke up in 100% not my clothes this morning. Third time this month. Fuck. Tequila.
She came in to my room half naked at 3am asking me if I had seen the movie balls deep 7
it's sunday funday. and also, who can outslut the other day.
No one even knew you were hurt until we saw the multiple cuts to prove it, and when we asked what happened all you could say was "I fell out"
I should show up to the gym drunk more often. I felt like i really motivated all the fat people.
I thi k this dude I fcken showed up to the bar in a raisins shirts. I thought I was better than that. Fuckkkk.
She got tired so now we're making anyone who has a stupid idea go into her bedroom so she can sleepslur "good idea" or "baaaad idea." We're calling her the queen of the misguided.
Last night I dreamed that I got eaten out by Lego Harry Potter.
Seriously, it's 5am. STOP CREEPIN and START SLEEPIN!
I woke up to his balls in my face, so naturally I limboed under him and headed to the bathroom. When I came out he was asleep on the floor.
You were yelling at a tree saying it should be in the forest..
Don't judge me.
You left me a note that said "The Earth is blowing up. Bring the Rosé." WTF.
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