I wish my penis had an off switch
She's 40ish and I couldn't wake her up with a stick of dynamite. My sheets are going to be covered in glitter lotion and smell like grape vodka and shattered dreams tomorrow.
Aren't divorce parties fun?
You and I have very different definitions of fun.
There is a distinct lack of front teeth here.
so high and i think i just ordered a magic bullet.
did you call within the first 18 minutes? can i have the free one?
He left with a pair of dress shoes, some goggles, and a shot glass. I think we should follow him.
Nope. If I'm going to drive an hour to fuck a teacher, it will NOT be missionary thats for damn sure.
I'm hungry
Come here to eat and play. It'll be like Dave and Busters except with sex
Operation "Inform her family she stars in a sadistic lesbian porn film" is in full effect. She picked the wrong guy to cheat on.
No piss test, hell yeah
FALSE ALARM. PISS TEST. I NEED YOUR PISS.
When you say shenanigans does that mean I should bring birth control?
Who knew wearing a toga outside would provide for and infinite amount of dick to choose fron
Just woke up to find that I'd left a stove burner on for the past 6 hours or so. I'm now banned from Ambien cooking.
Too bad, iambic pentameter is a drunk specialty of mine.
Em I need to know if his cum tastes like vodka. Report back.
I have no idea what happened last night but I sobered up whilst showering with a mop.
Randomize
