i was like the pretty and slutty 8th grade girl who goes to a party, gets wasted, and ends up having sex with a senoir
details?
alcohol + bed + penis = sex
Why would you say my penis is small in front of so many people?
i refuse to live in a world where loud threesomes in your own apartment are referred to as "rude"
did you yell "are you not entertained?"
found a pic of my little bro & his girl naked. he got the brains and the huge junk gene. I hate him
Getting arrested together sounded so much more fun in theory.
we went 3 years between hookups and she got a lot better. Amanda's moving way up the booty call pecking order.
I guess I fell on the bar and kept trying to get back in telling the bouncer that I left my teeth at the bar. Woke up this morning with chipped tooth
All I could think of during that funeral was how great I look in a suit, how creepy catholics are, and how horny I am.
Rule number one to being a good adult: don't use your vagina as an icebreaker. Just some wisdom I thought I'd pass down from experience.
Do you remember using the vicegrip to demonstrate how wide your penis is?
I found out Naomi Campbell and I have the same birthday and I feel like that explains so much
Oh shit that's not good dude. I'd head straight for Williamsport hospital the first ingredient in that shit is lithium batteries. You don't want to know what the second one is
They found me wandering around campus screaming body shots over and over again wrapped in a curtain
It was great. Somehow, sleeping with her sister cured everything!
It's not a walk of shame if you run
Randomize
