And you kept hanging up and calling back because you thought I wasn't greeting you properly.
She volunteers at a homeless shelter. You volunteered to drink 7 day expired milk for $3. No chance. Give up.
Just rolled over and found your boyfriend in bed with me. Is mine at your house?
My drug dealer just texted me that his kid had a rough sleep and was running late to deliver the ounce to my office. Totes adorbs.
Drinking, I should not. Got here I don't know. Still drunk, I am. At courtneys.
im actually trying to see how many sex dolls we need for our raft so we can stay buoyant while we attack kayakers
being sober in physics class makes me realize the regularity with which i show up to it still drunk
C'mon. I'm still an alcoholic at heart, regardless of its broken or not
You know what id love more than anything right now? ..a back rub while eating biscuits and gravy
I've been continuously high for the last 48 hours, and just broke my 4th vibrator. Coincidence? FIND ME A MAN I BEG OF YOU.
Let's just say, I'm pretty sure you're banned from Skype.... like, forever.
I aimed for bossy but it came out slutty
I just realized u compared me to a coconut
I'm floating on a rainbow and a purple elf is giving me advice. COME NOW!!!
just threw up in a gas staton parking lot in front of a father and son. stared them in the eyes and finished like a boss
Randomize