I wanna eat
then frost
then eat your cupcake
I threw up under water while wearing a hockey helmet last night. Awesome.
I found a dealer that takes plastic. I'm so in trouble.
If my nicknames are based on what I throw up, you can call me Jimmy Johns
He is the Donovan McNabb of stuff up his ass. Tell me that tomorrow. Too high to remember.
we are out of drugs. and patience. please bring former.
Your first words after putting out the flames, "how am I supposed to eat girls out with my top lip burned off??"
Yeah no more flaming everclear shots.
I think they took out their livers years ago and replaced them with like cheese graters or something. Only explanation.
There are two types of people in this world I don't trust: people who collect stamps, and people who don't drink
its weird that my cat bites every fat chick i bring home. i repeat every fat chick, qhT KINDA FRIEND ARE YOU
No one suspects that a sweet girl who is excited about her anniversary with her bf just blew her partner at work in a communal area a few hours ago, so its cool.
Why did you send me 12 pictures in a row of your expressionless face at 2:30 am?
Martha Stewart has had a one night stand and is unsure if she's had a threesome. I no longer feel slutty.
I'll just go on tinder. Seeking strong male to help take apart ikea furniture and move. I'll touch your dick.
I left at 4:30 in the morning and I told him it was because I had to take my contacts out
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