Words i added to my t9 today: gnomes, facebook, and chlamydia.
They should make a Rosetta Stone that allows men to understand what the fuck women are actually trying to say.
He wore a Medeval Times crown while I gave him a BJ
i wanna pet his head its so fluffy. were gonna open a petting zoo
Taco Bell drive through. Chick got out of the car in front of us and threw up on the hood of my car!
Not okay.
Do you have any idea how horrifying it is to hear your sister and her husband fucking then immediately go down stairs only to hear your parents fucking....... I wish I was Hellen Keller right now.
What happened to my knees?
You ate shit in front of the homeless people. They applauded.
I just spent 20 mins in the shower washing n rewashing my body to get rid of stripper. I even loofa'd my face.
The difference between 22 and 28 is bigger than I realised. I had the urge to put on Spongebob and give him a cookie.
So I totally had sex In a teepee last night at that wedding reception.
I got my period on eclipse day. I'm officially in line with the moon.
hes sooooo boring!!! I feel like I’m in a relationship with myself now. I have an 8 inch dildo under my bed, THATS how much I’m in a relationship with myself.
Sooo does anyone wanna tell me why I threw up a cigarette this morning?
OMG YOU DID TO?!
He's the douchy one who wouldn't let me rip his shirt off, right?
The report specifies "melted cheese food" as the cause of the burns. Your pride, like your cock, isn't getting out of this without heavy damage.
Randomize
