It was amazing what she could do with her one good arm.
If she didn't want me to pass out in her bathroom, then she shouldn't have such a furry rug in there
i'm making a list of conversation topics in my blackberry so the ride won't be so awkward
Someone shattered a urinal.
And he was super vague about his life, it was frustrating. I totally boned a homeless guy, didn't I?
Public service announcement: if you would like to continue receiving blow jobs, a 25% increase in fuck-giving will be expected immediately, and you're expected to give an actual flying fuck at least once a week. Brought to you by the ad council.
Valuable lesson learned: if you reach the point where you have to talk yourself in to finishing the last half of your beer, you shouldn't try.
Apparently all year they've been using me as a standard of drunkenness
If you haven't gone to the store yet. Can you PLEASE get me some clippers my balls will thank you later
My bathing suit kept falling whenever I went under a wave and this kid caught on and kept checking them out so I told him nothing comes free $5 a boob
The saddest thing about graduating is that we won't have free access to STI screening anymore
I threw up in the shower. I cleaned it all up and there is on mess at all. This hangover has become borderline religous. Powerful and life changing.
Tanner. All u drink. 10 bckaa. Locked in Porto potty outside. Constructed area. Main strrrreeeett. Fuck. Help. Pleese
Why did you buy a cock ring?
I’m going to propose to his penis
I did not shave my legs to sit at home and diddle myself. He better wake the fuck up and put the fear of god in me!
Randomize
