dude, mark had the least successful cab ride in history last night. took a cab to the bars, stopped at every atm in the city, none worked, then had to come back to the party to beg for 20 to pay the taxi that officially took him nowhere.
Woman walking into toby keith concert: 8 months pregnant, black eye, shirt on that has a picture of a boot and the words "we'll put a boot up your ass" with an american flag printed over--the sleeves were ripped off and she had a camo cowboy hat. Greatest thing I've ever seen.
remember when jerking off was fun and not a neccesity
you went to subway and got pissed when they refused to deep fry your sub
Katy Perry is on a Proactiv commercial. That "I kissed a girl" shit is so much less hot now.
I am literally using a balloon as a pillow on a park bench.
I bought him bourbon as a thank you for his apology. What is wrong with me?
so exactly what is concert sex etiquette? Before, during or after???
all of the above
My heart stopped for a sec, but I snorted what I believe was cocaine off the floor, and I'm back in the fight
Is it weird that the cop that arrested me called me twice to tell me that I left my ring at the police station
I ran into him drunk, barefoot, at rite aid and he said I looked "stunning." Yeah, Stunningly shitfaced haha
This is the third year in a row that Mario has fallen through a table on New Years. I'm sensing a tradition developing.
I hope. Last year I got lost in New Orleans and some guy named Cookie walked me home while I cried.
I think I was high. I asked a dude at chillis if they had a cereal buffet
LOOK AT HOW SMOOTH THIS BITCH IS
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