so I have this game called 14 beers left. and we both have to drink 7 before we leave
so i was trying to be sexy and unzip his pants with my teeth. i got my lip caught in the zipper and it bled for a good 15 min, totally a mood killer.
Someone left a shot of disaronno in a champagne glass here this morning... flip a coin?
It doesn't matter if he doesn't speak English because I speak the international language of blowies.
I woke up on a raft in a bath tub filled with beer. excellent night.
Just found out they make medicinal lollipops, bought like 40 of them. Gonna go fill a pediatricians lollipop bowl.
This just became a night full of adventures...and by adventures I mean hitting people with my car
I just handed the barista at Starbucks a panty liner instead of my card....maybe I should upgrade this Tall to a Venti...
Dude, you left ME alone in your house. With your fully-stocked wine cellar. Why would you do that to yourself?
i want to go make food but i'll have to face my mom after telling her that the random i'm sleeping with, whose name i don't know, told me I was "too slutty to be his girlfriend" when i was drunk last night
I replaced his Viagra pills with sleeping pills.
I got frustrated so I just stood up and said take me to bed or lose me forever and banged the first guy who responded show me the way home. Thank you Top Gun.
You leaned over to me in the elevator and whispered "how long do I have to pretend to be sober?"
Bill says he deeply regrets the incident with the soda bottle
hey can you come unlock the basement door? I'm trapped in here.
no I can't, you're a safety hazard. but, there's a beer keg down there somewhere. we don't have cups, but help yourself.
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