I've never been 12-exclamation-point-excited for sex. That must have been good.
i saw her thong sticking out from across the bar...that was my cue
walking through the french quarter. a homeless guy just offered me a pigeon. gotta love new orleans.
Ok so I could say "im sorry"...but instead ill just say "unsupervised...jager...military guys...green school bus called the juice box...and HUGE dick"
Besides. I seriously had a dream that George W Bush came over and slapped some tabs down on my kitchen counter and said "let's get juiced.". It was a sign to not get too fucked up
Consider it an appointment to improve my blow job capabilities.
Also, if you all get arrested i'm coming to laugh at you because i don't have the money for bail.
I saw a crackhead in a ballerina outfit riding a bike while waving her hands and one leg in the air. Never seen such talent in my life
I'm proud of you, you were pretty classy last night, you didn't puke AND you didn't take off your shirt, except for those two times in the corner.
Whatever dude, just dont tell her your first impression was she looked like your cousin. no judgement here. just sayin.
Hey, you can't rush the perfect creeper shot. I need buffer time to hone my skills.
Nothing quite like the "I had sex you a month ago and now we're stopped at the same 4 way" wave
I don't care. She's the only girl to make me feel like my face is melting when she blows me.
I felt like a slutty ass cruella devil driving your old car, And I got in a fight with your wipers
Got drunk tryed walking 12miles to zacks house woke up at noon on baseball park
Randomize
