Okay you totally passed out. Ask me about the bike parking garage and the expired baby formula in the morning.
a commercial for my antidepressant came on and they said you shouldn't take if if you drink right as i took a shot
god is laughing at you again
this boner is fucking legendary. i should name it and celebrate its birthday every year
I call it my summer of slut; except summer lasts from May until December. It's been incredibly successful
we've called him dos banos ever since he threw up in 2 separate bathrooms with the same puke
In the 30 seconds it took me to leave the bar I let the barback motorboat me, ripped open a stranger's shirt and bit his chest, then made out with El Camino dude. No, I'm not coming out tonight.
There seems no grander way to celebrate 420 than to smoke atop a mountain peak.
But the real question is how many people didn't see my dick last night?
Archery is over so let's go back to not giving a fuck for the next 3 years and 11 months
It's national boyfriend day supposedly, would it be appropriate if I posted a picture of my dildo?
He saved you from those guys at the club, took you home, and made you breakfast. If this isn't your come to Jesus moment IDK what is.
I need to get off of her emotional roller coaster. I've been on it for a fucking year and I've been throwing up the entire time.
Maybe? I'm not shaving my pubes for a maybe type of night.
Yeah, we got drunk and stole road signs.
when the cops came she just started yelling at them "Fuck the police! freedom of speech bitches!"
Randomize
