Did you fuck her?
If by "fuck her" you mean "threw up on her shoes," then yes, I achieved that.
so this guy comes in from the patio covered in puke and says "we gotta go"...Yup u need to go is an understatement
She forced me to throw up so it would "rejuvenate" me. It worked and then we took six more shots and did a keg stand. You know what I call that? Friendship.
something had to give and with her weight the coffee table never stood a chance
she was talking at me constantly for like 20mins. i kept praying for a brain hernia but it kept not happening...
when i went to the store to buy my pregnancy test they were giving carnations to all the moms and they gave me one and said "just in case"
I accidently showed a girl my balls already today. Made me think of you.
He asked me out while I'm back in town. I have to acknowledge and honor his persistence.
Your vagina must be laced with cocaine...
I don't see how I managed to fuck up so much shit in an hour and a half..
I dreampt that we were shooting zombies while we having sex. Is that normal?
I'm taking a dab in mourning of how long its been since I smoked with you guys.
The resort was totally empty, just June and I. Which of course lead to EXCESSIVE day drinking and outdoor fucking. FYI Dominicans LOVE to watch.
I shaved my asshole for you. You WILL fuck me tonight.
He kept saying "Ayyyyyyy" during foreplay... during sex.... during everything! It felt like I was having sex with friggin Fonzie from Happy Days!
Thinking and hoping ice cream is the answer to my problems
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